Quote Book

For those of you adept at depriving yourself of things that rule (as Maddox puts it), Savage Love is a sex advice column on www.theonionavclub.com. In the most recent issue, some chick wrote in that while messing around in her boyfriend's butt, she found "something rough and uneven" and wanted to know if she was correct in assuming that it was a turd. Dan Savage's reply:

"Shit? You think? Right up there in your boyfriend's butt? Are you sure, WABN? I mean, it could have been a Braille dictionary you felt up there—they're pretty rough and uneven. Or an almond croissant. Or a twice-baked potato. Or a meteorite. I mean, the world is full of rough and uneven things, WABN, and frankly, it's disturbing that you would assume it was shit you encountered in your boyfriend's ass. Or are you the type of girlfriend who always assumes the worst where her boyfriend is concerned? Do you never give him the benefit of the doubt?"